Transcripts
by When I Spin Away
Summary: Dean/Crowley One-shot. All dialogue transcripts of phone calls between the two. Smut in later chapters! M/M implied. COMPLETE. Please review! I multi-ship and want to do more like this. Humour, sarcasm, and smut.
1. Chapter 1

*I OWN NOTHING* *I LIVE FOR SPN* *PLEASE REVIEW*

\- Set Mid-Season 10. Some bad language and sexual content in later 'calls'. Please review, I might turn this into a series, and I multi-ship!-

 **Call One**

"I thought I told you not to call me."

"Well hello to you too, darling."

"I'm not your 'darling', Crowley."

"No, you're more precious still. Now, precious, where are you?"

"Alabama, why?"

"Where's the younger more gigantic brother?"

"Out, why?"

"How long until he's back?"

"Crowley, I swear you'd better start answering my questions or I'll smash the shit-eating grin I know you're wearing off your face next time I see you."

"I'm quaking, really. Oh, hang on I've got another call."

BEEP

BEEP

BEEP

"Motherfu-"

"My apologies, dear Dean, you were saying? Something macho and threatening I believe?"

"Why are you calling?"

"Ah yes, thought you'd never ask. What are you doing?"

"Talking to you and trying to resist the urge to hang myself."

"Cute."

"Why the sudden interest anyway? We've been through this, we're not besties, we're not anything anymore."

"Ah I've missed your tact and wordplay."

"Cute."

"Are you sitting down?"

"Crowley you need to either tell me why you're calling or I'm hanging up. I haven't got all day here."

"Yes there must be beers not being drank right this second."

"Correct."

CALL ENDED.


	2. Chapter 2

**Call Two**

"Crowley's House of Pleasure and Pain, how can I assist?"

"You know you're problem? You're an asshole."

"Dean, so nice of you to call, and so inebriated, it's a delight, really."

"Shut up and listen. Don't call me."

"You called me."

"I don't care, you heard me earlier, and I don't want Sam giving me his look."

"I heard you earlier, you do care, and Sam can go suck on the end of a shotgun."

"See, you're an asshole."

"So why are you calling?"

"To tell you..."

"Not to call?"

"Yeah, exactly, I may be drunk but I know what I'm saying. And that is... don't call, yeah, don't call me again."

"Did you practise this?"

"No!"

"You should have."

"You mouthy son of a bitch, I should have killed you when I had the chance."

"I've missed your sweet talk, Dean."

"I've missed your mouth."

CRACKLE

"I didn't mean to say that. I don't miss your mouth, your mouth is the goddamn problem."

"Not what you used to say, precious."

"Shut up."

"You said that already. Look, if you want a go for old times' sake, just let me know and I'll consider making time in my busy schedule for a pity shag."

"Motherfuc-"

CALL ENDED


	3. Chapter 3

**Call Three**

"Morning, sunshine, how's the head?"

"Awful. Worse now. What do you want?"

"Where's the big one?"

"He has a name."

"And he's out?"

"Yeah, coffee."

"And you're still in bed, tut, nothing changes."

"What do you want, Crowley?"

"Well, you called me in such a stupour last night, thought I'd check you hadn't made good on your promise and hung yourself."

"Trust me, it's still tempting."

"Try to resist, I got rid of the demon version of you once, don't fancy doing it again."

"You didn't get rid of me, okay, I got rid of you."

"No, dear, I fixed your darling Castiel to be shot of you."

"Yeah but only after I dum..."

"Were you going to say 'dumped'?"

"No."

"You definitely did not dump me. There was no dumping, only pushing, which by the way I very much resent."

"Get over it, what are you, twelve?"

"My point is, Dean, that I dumped you. Period."

"Well I think you're full of shit."

"'Think' is such a strong word for what goes on in that beautiful, empty little head of yours."

"Bitch."

"Jerk."

"Jesus."

"Language. Unless it's proper blasphemy, it just makes my skin crawl, you know that."

"I'm too hungover for this. I haven't even had my coffee for crying out loud."

"Ah yes, Sammy the Wonder Kid is due back – when was it again?"

"I don't know, soon I guess. Why the sudden obsession with -"

"Soon isn't good for me. I'm going to have to call you back, my dear."

"Look, don't both-"

CALL ENDED


	4. Chapter 4

**Call Four**

"Hello darling."

"Crowley."

"Dean, how's things?"

"Lousy, but what else is new, huh?"

"That pessimism will be the death of you."

"A lot of things could be the death of me right now."

"Right now? Isn't dancing with death what you Winchesters do on a daily basis?"

"That's not a comforting thought."

"Well if you wanted comforting, you should have just said. Are you alone?"

"No – yes, I mean, how do you keep knowing when to call? Sammy's out at the library."

"I'm a demon of many talents, as I'm sure you recall."

"Uh huh. Well, spit it out, what are you after?"

"You need to learn to relax, maybe I just wanted a good old heart to heart, did you ever think of that? I'm people too."

"No you're not."

"No, but I nearly was once."

"Crowley, I swear to -"

"What are you doing?"

"I'm sitting on the bed talking to you and losing my mind. What about you?"

"One could almost suspect your cheery tone was insincere, Dean. I'm only try to be a comfort. What are you wearing?"

"Are you serious?"

"Go on, tell me."

"For the love of... a t-shirt, jeans, boots – what do you want, for Christ's sake."

"I want you to tell me what you're wearing underneath all that."

"Crowley?"

"Yes?"

"I'm not playing this game you're trying to play, okay? Go to Hell."

CALL ENDED


	5. Chapter 5

**Call Five**

"What?"

"It's me."

"Dean? What a pleasant surprise."

"What's going on there? Can I hear screaming?"

"No, no, not at all. This one hasn't even learned what screaming is yet. Now what can I do for you?"

"Stop torturing."

"I have, I answered the phone!"

"...Stop."

"I -"

"Stop it now."

"Bloody Hell since when did you become such a bleeding heart? Fine, I've stopped, I've stepped away, I'm all ears. What?"

"Thank you. Last week when you called..."

"Yes? When you told me to go to Hell?"

"Before that. What was that?"

"I thought you called it a game. Let's call it a game, then."

"Well, I don't get it."

"Doesn't mean you wouldn't like it."

"That's not the point."

"Then what is the point, Dean?"

"The point is what's your end-game here? What's the big scheme?"

"There isn't one."

"Bull-shit."

"I won't have my honour impugned. Not when there's torturing to be done. Call me back when you're in a more playful mood."

CALL ENDED


	6. Chapter 6

**Call Six**

"Hello?"

"You didn't call, I was worried."

"Crowley."

"Correct. Ten points for this next one: why didn't you call?"

"I've been busy."  
"To coin a phrase – bull-shit."

"You're not my goddamn wife."

"Mercifully."

"Is the reason you call instead of show up because you know I'd beat the shit out of you?"

"I'm calling to see if you're free for a game."

CRACKLE

"Sam's out."

"Very good, and are you sitting comfortably?"

"...Yeah, on the bed."

"Excellent. Now, I want you to lie back and close your eyes."

"This is dumb."

"Nothing terrible is going to happen, just put a hand on your chest, close your eyes, and breathe."

CRACKLE

"...Now, are you lying comfortably?"

"Mm hmm."

"Take the hand on your chest and start to slide it down. Down over your stomach to where the hair creeps up out of the top of your jeans. Now follow the path down... Dean?"

"Yes?"

"Are you already hard, Dean?"

"...Yes."

"Marvellous. You can undo your jeans now, and pull them down over that magnificent arse, give yourself some room."

MUFFLED

"Okay."

"Good boy. Get a good grip of your cock and tell me you want my mouth warm around it. Tell me you want me to suck your cock and dance my tongue over the tip."

"Yeah, I want that."

"You're delicious, Dean, and I want to talk you through until your thrusting in the back of my throat."

"Yeah."

"Spit on your hand, like I'd spit on the tip."

SPITTING

"God."

"Language. Now are you going to be a good boy and apologise? Or are you going to be a bad boy and come?"

"I – ah – I don't -"

"I want you to come, Dean, and I want you to say thank you when you do."

"Fuck. You."

"Only if you ask very, very nicely, you know that, darling. Are you going to think of that while you come? Of fucking me?"

"Crowley!"

PANTING

CALL ENDED


End file.
